Indian election times are turban-ulent times

Neta rhymes with pheta, no? That’s why all those addressing
election rallies resemble bridegrooms – or bearers. Both looks are
valid. One will arrive to baarat-grade band-baaja; the rest will have
to remain wait-ers. Having thrown their hat in the ring, our leader-
cadre dons traditional headgear in this five-yearly doff to people
power. The variety makes for impressive optics, but ‘apt-ics’ are
trickier since every region proudly boasts its own pheta-pagri-patka-
safaa.

In Maharashtra, the billed speaker must switch from Kolhapuri to
Puneri to intriguing Peshwai. Add the pheta sported by bike-borne
battalions of Maratha women in navvari saris who varrroom through
the streets on May 1, state formation day. It’s even more challenging
in Rajasthan where there are as many turban-tying types as those
claiming sun-moon ancestry. Udaipur’s newish super deluxe hotel
spent months getting the authentic Mewari pagdis for restaurant
staff. One wrong twist would result in faces akin to the lal-maas.

So, do star campaigners too include sartorial aides in their
entourage to avoid the electoral equivalent of wardrobe
malfunction? Moreover, what ultimately happens to that array of
headgear? Is it restyled for the next foray? Auctioned to buy more
laddoos for overworked party workers? Or, will a future Nationalist
Gallery showcase a permanent collection of those once worn by our
netas?

For the present, these past months have displayed more than the
full 2.278 yards of the traditional 82-inch turban. Some wearers look
the fable’s crow in borrowed plumes, but some have the swag blag
to carry it off. Bharatiya janata gets more bang for its heat-stroke
when the party leader also looks like a Wow when promising a
future of ditto dazzle.

Forget pomp and pageantry. Even simplest headgear gets elevated to metaphor. In politics, loser types are the ones who meekly accept the cap believing that it fits. Winners are those who make rivals
wear a topi.

***
Alec Smart said: “Revanna, straying governors, wrestling’s
‘Sharam’ Singh’s seat bestowed on proxy son, judges who
think consent is irrelevant in marital sex…What we NOW have
is a National Omission for Women.”

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